I'm tired of seeing other writers get rich off diet books. Diets don't work — doesn't everyone know that? Yet, despite the presence of hundreds of diet books on the market, more such books are published on a near-daily basis — and some make best-seller lists. Even cities and towns are dragged into the diet book scam. It seems every city in America has a diet named after it, with the exception of Sheboygan. What's their problem?
"HOW sick of the diet scam mess am I," you ask?
So sick of it that I'm ready to introduce and get rich on my own diet book! No, I won't call it the "St. Petersburg Diet" or "The Wellness Diet" or even the "Don Ardell Diet for People Too Dumb To Know That Diets Don't Work" Diet."
I have a better idea. I have an idea for a diet — hold your breadth here, this is going to shock you — I have an idea for a diet THAT WORKS! Really.
My friends, I give you The Exercise Diet!
The Exercise Diet (henceforth called "TED" but not to be confused with the airline or the Senator from Massachusetts, who come to think of it could benefit from The Exercise Diet or TED), is easy to understand and even easier to sustain. Unlike all the other diets, it works.
"How do I know TED works?" you might be wondering. Have I done the requisite double-blind, crossover trials of a horizontal, longitudinal and dignified nature? No. Do I have a legion of satisfied customers who have lost tons of blubber over the years following TED while I controlled the multitudinous independent variables in their lives? No.
"Well, then how can I be so sure that TED works?" you're probably asking.
Well, actually, I'm not sure. But, I'm confident that it will work and I have an idea for a unique approach to testing TED. I plan to give TED away, initially for testing purposes, as in "free/no charge/complementary." I will describe how TED works and invite everyone who tries it to send rave reviews about weight loss, muscle gain and other benefits to me at SeekWellness.com. Testimonials and before/after photos will be welcomed. Unlike the authors of all the other diets, I will also publicize disappointing results. However, I don't expect there will be any. That's how confident I am of the power of TED.
And now, with no further ado (more ado will come later), I give you the essentials of TED, soon to be hailed as the greatest diet of all time. (This is not as impressive a claim as it might seem at first, since there have not been ANY great diets.) In fact, TED is the only diet ever devised that is worth a damn, or a bucket of warm spit or whatever metaphor you prefer to represent something worthwhile.
In time, TED will be described in a level of detail that will enable me to publish several TED anti-diet books (and make some serious big bucks). There will be TED diet centers, TED CDs, T-shirts, bumper stickers, a TV show and probably a major motion picture dramatizing the fabulous things that happened to people as a result TED, my amazing wellness breakthrough. All this will come about, in time. For now, all you need is the essence of the TED protocol. Are you ready?
Here it is: Exercise at least as long as you eat; eat no longer than you exercise. Do this on a daily basis. Don't fret or otherwise concern yourself with WHAT you eat or HOW you exercise. Just keep the two in line. You will lose weight, gain muscle and realize many health and life quality gains associated with a full-scale wellness regimen. If you are not already living a wellness lifestyle, you will soon enough adopt such an attitudinal and behavioral pattern, as the benefits of a great lifestyle will have become apparent to you.
Basically, all you have to do with TED is "time" how long you eat. Use a stopwatch — begin when you sit down to dine, stop the clock when you get up from the table. No snacks, unless you restart the clock. You can eat whatever you choose — just make a note of the time you spend eating in a single day. Then, exercise for that amount of time the next day. Exercise time begins when you start to sweat, so don't count the minutes of stretching and easy warm-up and warm-down to whatever exercise you choose to undertake.
Naturally, you will get better results, faster, if you tweak the basic idea, getting a bit more ambitious than is required for the foundation level of TED. For example, you could realize improved results by adopting one or more of the following variations:
* Exercise twice as long as you eat.
* DO pay attention to WHAT you eat. A diet high in complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables with little fat will give better results than a meaty diet laden with sugar, alcohol and other high calorie food and drink.
* Eat faster. (Just kidding — I don't recommend this.)
If you wish to think in terms of formulas, I have a dandy way to help you remember how TED works. Think of eating as "inhaling" or taking IN energy; think of exercising as "exhaling" or burning off energy. Thus, you want to balance total "inhaling" or eating time (TIT) with total "exhaling" or exercise time (TAT). Think of it this way — TIT for TAT!
As noted, details will follow but that's the idea for my upcoming diet book that really works. I hope you will choose to be a part of the free testing program. If you are among the first 1000 to follow the plan and send in your results, you will get a free book and you might even be quoted, assuming you want to be. I'll even try to get you invited to my appearance on Oprah.
There you have it — my latest wellness insight — TED, The Exercise Diet.
Enjoy. Be well. Always look on the bright side of life.